First Person: Taking a Digital Detox

Alayne White in Bristol offers a garden retreat complete with a wisteria-covered porch and lounge chairs. Photography courtesy of Jamie Coelho

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that adults set an example for their children. As a career-driven mom, I am constantly connected to my mobile device. I work office hours when I am writing and managing this magazine, but I often catch up on emails and social media when I am home during my “free time.” Resting on the couch after work? I scroll my phone, return an email or respond to a contact. Sitting down for dinner? I scroll Instagram. Right before bed? I take one last victory lap on social media to make sure I don’t miss a restaurant opening, fun event happening or newsworthy tidbit.

But when my ten-year-old son asked for a phone for Christmas a year ago, I was strictly against it. Why? Because I didn’t want him to be constantly on the phone. In the end, it was necessary to get him one when he turned eleven and was in sixth grade, since we do not have a landline and his bus now arrives promptly at 2:40 p.m., while I am still at work. At least having a phone, he can call me in an emergency or communicate his whereabouts in between activities. However, once my husband and I agreed to get him a phone, our fears came true. He’s constantly on the phone.

I notice it when he awakes at 6 a.m. using his phone as an alarm. Then he gets his cereal ready and sits down to breakfast, staring at his phone. I am getting ready for work at the same time, and I will ask him questions about his day. He doesn’t even look up from the screen and just grunts. Even when he goes back upstairs to put gel in his hair, he continues to watch and listen to YouTube videos while he styles in the mirror. The last few minutes before heading out the door, he still has his face glued to his phone. I chastise him all morning for this behavior and tell him that I dislike him being addicted to his device, but then he’s off on the bus on his way to a full day of school. He must keep his phone on silent in his locker throughout the school day.

The author’s son consults a map on a Boy Scouts backpacking hike. Photography by Mike Medeiros

After school, it’s more of the same at home until it’s time to head to basketball, baseball or Boy Scouts. He’s a very involved kid, and often spends full weekends camping with the scouts overnight or on a backpacking trip where using mobile devices is strictly discouraged. At baseball, when he’s in the dugout, cheering on his teammates, waiting to bat, or in the field hoping to make an out, he’s not on his phone. And when he has friends over playing Fortnite, they are interacting in person even though they are still involved with screens. He enjoys riding go karts, mountain biking and hiking outdoors, too. None of which requires a phone. 

Likewise, for me, while I am on my phone constantly throughout the day, I enjoy running outdoors several times a week. While I use my phone to listen to music, I’m not accessing the screen. I also love doing all kinds of activities with my kids, taking them to hiking trails (thanks AllTrails app), navigating to far-flung places like the South County Troll Trail (thanks Google Maps for getting me there without getting lost), and finding cool things to do (thanks internet). But still, I continue to feel as though I spend way too much time on my phone. 

White’s she-shed is stocked with books, bikes and more.

So when Alayne White of the Alayne White spa in Bristol contacted me about spending a day in digital detox, I was game. I enlisted a friend to tag along for the challenge and we met at Alayne White in the morning. White promptly explained her intentions, and I reluctantly agreed to hand over my entire purse, complete with my phone in it. My only fear was that my kids were in school and what if they needed to reach me? I left my Samsung unlocked with the ringer on at the front desk just in case something went awry, and then we embarked on our phoneless feat.

We started the day at Alayne White with no makeup, wearing comfy clothes, and sipping a cup of hot herbal cardamom tea with honey while we got a tour of White’s beautiful backyard garden, outdoor lounging space and she-shed featuring books, art and poetry. Guests are invited to take the day and relax on the property in between spa treatments. 

Then we took a walk through downtown Bristol to take a yoga class with Susie Lee at Gracie Love Bodyworks. As we strolled the streets, I heard the birds chirping and noticed flowers popping out of the ground for an early spring beginning. We found the yoga studio without needing our phones for directions, and noticed all the beautiful items for sale in the shops’ windows in downtown Bristol along the way. 

Yoga is not usually my thing, but Susie’s class made me feel limber and relaxed as I completed each pose to the best of my ability. As a runner and weight lifter, I’m not very flexible, but she helped my body bend in more ways than I ever thought possible while encouraging me that I could do it. She told me I am “beautiful,
special and strong.” OK, I needed to hear that, too. No phone or meditation app necessary when you’re following an expert yoga instructor who lifts you up with her spoken words. 

Folklore Provisions in downtown Bristol is a great place to grab coffee, baked goods and breakfast and lunch. Photography courtesy of Jamie Coelho

After yoga, we walked over to Folklore Provisions for lunch. Our menu selections included a chourico and chips and egg sandwich, a Portuguese tuna melt and an ooey-gooey cinnamon bun. Dang, no pics because my phone was on lockdown! Everyone always jokes that the phone eats first when dining with me, but not having it allowed me to dig in right away and appreciate the flavors more without having to photograph it. Added bonus: It was still hot! Sometimes, I almost feel an obligation to photograph my food to help promote local businesses on Instagram, but in this case, I had no choice but to savor without snapping pics. The food was Insta-worthy but you’ll have to take my word for it. 

The next part of our digital detox was spent back at Alayne White for herbal foot soaks and facials. White runs wonderful women’s retreats, grown-up makeup lessons and wellness treatments at her spa. Women are encouraged to take a breather from the hustle and bustle, to disconnect and recharge. Recharge we did with the best facial of my life that included a scalp, neck and shoulder massage. I think I dozed off a little, but shook myself awake so I wouldn’t miss it! 

Even the restroom is filled with affirmations and inspiration in the form of quotes, art and poetry. The beautiful backyard garden is a place where guests can write, draw, read or just relax for the day. At the end of the retreat, I had to dash home to get my daughter off the bus, but I was not drawn to look at my phone immediately. White suggested I wait to look until I got back home to fully complete the mission. I listened. It was so nice to take a breather from the digital chaos of the day and be truly present, even if I did come back to fifteen unanswered texts and thirty-five emails. It was back to reality, but after that day, now I don’t feel so bad. Because I know I can do it and that it’s OK to disconnect. The world will not end if you don’t answer an email or text right away. 

The same for my son, when he took off for the weekend on a two-night camping trip with the Boy Scouts. I texted him several times throughout the first day to no answer. Worried, I kept trying to get a response to see how he was doing as I imagined rain pelting their tents or that he forgot a jacket and was freezing and wet. Was my own son ghosting me? I didn’t hear back all day, and finally called him at 9 p.m. that night. Eventually, he picked up and said, “I’m fine Mom! I didn’t have my phone. We are having a great time!”

That’s all I needed to hear.

The author’s son learns to cook on a Boy Scouts camping trip. Photography by Mike Medeiros