Beware of the Dog!
Hot dogs were totally reamed out by the American Academy of Pediatrics yesterday for their tube shape, which poses a choking risk to kids. Oh dear. There’s no word on earth of why they suddenly thought of this yesterday, but the docs want a warning label printed on hot dogs (I’m picturing a little flag, like a Hersey’s kiss), along with a redesigned "safety dog" that is less dangerous. They don’t give any thoughts on what a safety dog might look like … a patty of some sort? Eww. Whatever, but the docs sound prit-tee mad about all this.
I love hot dogs, and did as a child, but the idea of a hot dog patty or ball or loaf or noodle or whatever else is so disgusting, it brings up the great rule of hot dogs, which is that you can love them, but you must never, never Google "advanced meat recovery."
Why do these pediatricians want to make hot dogs kid-friendlier anyway? I don’t have a child, but from what I keep hearing about them on the news, they are obese as all get out. Those poor dears! Let’s not torture them with our loopy mixed messages.
I’m grateful to my mom and dad for keeping me safe at all those barbecues and Little League games. Katharine Hepburn certainly had it right: "Life is hard. After all, it kills you."