8:00 a.m.
Head down to Point Judith to catch some waves. My favorite spot is the south side of the lighthouse [a.k.a. the toilet bowl] because nobody goes there. Surfing is an individual sport, and I hate crowds. The conditions are perfect—shoulder-high, oil-glass waves, no wind and no people.
10:00 a.m.
Go to Starbucks for a cafe mocha. Medium. I always say “medium” because I can’t stand the fake terminology. They all know me in there because a couple of them surf. When I walk in, they’re already making it.
10:15 a.m.
I’m the extreme sports writer for the Narragansett Times. Since it’s my perfect day, today I’m writing that Colin McPhillips (one of the top longboarders in the country) is visiting. When I’m done, we’ll go surfing, of course.
11:30 a.m.
Wait ’til tide comes in and head to Narragansett Beach to use a standup paddleboard. The sport’s just catching on in the States. Even if the waves stink, you can still ride it.
1:00 p.m.
Go to Phil’s Restaurant in Wakefield. It’s been there since the thirties, and it’s a real locals’ place. I order a hamburger, fries and a Coke. Got to get my surfing energy.
2:30 p.m.
I love to exercise and I teach cardio kickboxing at Gold’s in Warwick. It would be a perfect class if at least two or three people quit and one drops. I like to torture everybody—that’s what they go for, the pain and the punishment. I like to push everyone until they are dead.
3:45 p.m.
Snack time. I love junk food. It’s not a good day unless I have at least two Twinkies or Hostess cupcakes and a bag of Cheetos. Preferably a large bag.
6:00 p.m.
I meet up with a couple of my surfing buddies at Ocean Mist in Matunuck, listen to some reggae and grab another burger. I don’t like any fancy foods.
8:00 p.m.
Catch a fight at Twin River. I love boxing. It’s one of the toughest sports and boxers are in amazing shape. On my perfect day, I bet $20 and win $500, the fight goes all twelve rounds and it’s a decision for the local.
11:00 p.m.
On the way out I play $20 in video poker, hit five at a time and walk out with another $500. And then I leave, so I don’t blow a penny of it.
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