Faces of War

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Staff Sergeant Cheryl Irving deployed to Baghdad, Iraq, as a team leader for a military police platform with B Battery, 103rd, from February 2004 through April 2005. As a single mother, she had to make arrangements for her two children, Valerie, fourteen, and Mitcael, twelve, while she was deployed. Mitcael stayed with Irving’s mother in Providence, and Valerie moved to Flagstaff, Arizona, to live with Irving’s sister, Vanessa. Valerie finished her sixth grade year in Flagstaff, but ultimately the adjustment was too difficult. Valerie and her aunt moved together back to Providence for the start of Valerie’s seventh grade year.

Valerie White, fourteen
ninth grade, Toll Gate High School, Warwick

There was one day she sat us both down and goes, ‘I have a chance of going to Iraq,’ and, I was like, ‘Stop joking!’ I didn’t really believe her. I just didn’t want that — usually when you hear that someone’s going to Iraq, you’re thinking that they’re going to end up getting hurt. And I didn’t want to believe that that was going to happen.

I started my sixth grade year at St. Mary Academy-Bay View. And then it wasn’t even halfway through the — I think I just got my first report card, and I had to go fly to Arizona and stay with my aunt. It was really hard making friends over there. I didn’t want to tell anybody that my mom was away. If I was to tell somebody, they would be telling everybody, then everybody would be wanting to be my friend and everything. I just wanted them to know the real me. I thought that they were going to have a lot of pity on me.

I was worried about her on a daily basis. From the beginning of the day — because usually in the beginning of the day, you see your mom, waking you up and everything. From the beginning of the day, I realized that my mom’s not going to be there waking me up and telling me, ‘It’s time to go to school! ’Til the end of the day, when she usually has to yell at me to go to bed. No offense to George Bush, but I used to really hate on George Bush a lot. Because I used to go, ‘Well, that isn’t fair. Why doesn’t he just go over there and fight? He was the one who declared war.’

I think I acted out in the beginning, when I first moved to Arizona. But then, once I came back here, I got better. But it was still times I just flipped out. I would give a whole bunch of attitude to all the adults. Basically I felt isolated. I think later I realized it. Before, I thought that’s how a person’s supposed to feel when their parents go. When I moved back to Rhode Island, I told people that my mom was in Iraq. They helped me a lot. Because if I didn’t have friends like them, I don’t think I would have done that well. They kept me in check, made sure I never flipped out to my mom and my aunt. Whenever I would have trouble in school, they would be like, ‘Don’t freak out, I’ll help you. I know you have trouble in this, and I want you to make sure that your mom’s proud.’

We used to chat on the Internet a lot. We talked on the phone at least three times a week. As soon as she comes on the phone, ‘How was school? Are you guys doing good in school?’ She is really hard when it comes to school. Most of the time we would ask ‘How is it out there? What you’ve been doing? Shoot anybody?’

Before my mom left, I took everything for granted. Everything that she bought, I would give her attitude because this person got that thing, I wanted that. Then when my mom came back with her stories, I was like, wow, that’s not right how I treat my mom, how all these people, they just don’t get what we get. Half the stuff, they don’t even get a quarter of the stuff. They don’t even get shoes, they don’t even have socks, they don’t have shirts. It’s just so upsetting, just thinking about that.

And I stopped doing that as much as I did before. I’m trying my best to change how my ways are. I really wish that I could change the world. When she came back and told us all these stories, it just really made me think, what can I do?

It’s not easy. You don’t have to be a strong person, just be strong within the heart. I had to learn to be strong. I did it by family, friends, and just normal people. They might not even know, they helped me out anyway. Just hearing them say, ‘God bless’ makes me so happy because there’s a lot of people can be ignorant and not even care. Even now, when people come up, they see my mom in uniform, they’re like, ‘Thank you so much.’ Every time someone says that, my mom puts on this big smile.

I adore my mom. She’s my idol. She’s like the Beyoncé of everybody. I missed copying her style, wearing her clothes and getting in trouble for it. I missed going to the mall with her. I just missed hanging out with her. She’s a very powerful person. Not only on the outside, with her big muscles, but on the inside too. She didn’t get scared. A lot of people, a lot of parents would freak out. But my mom, she kept her cool.