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Dying with Laughter

British actor Sir Donald Wolfit said it on his deathbed: “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” One writer who braved his first (and last) stand-up gig couldn’t agree more.

When I pitched the idea of writing a first-hand account of doing a stand-up comedy act, it was to my horror that Rhode Island Monthly thought it was a good idea. But it was too late to back out, so I contacted John Perrotta, who runs the Comedy Factory, a traveling show based in Cranston. Perrotta offered to set me up with an upcoming gig at Asia Grille in Lincoln. “The audience is only about thirty people, and they’re a friendly bunch.”

I prepared for my act by watching a lot of Comedy Central.

On the big night, I was greeted by a waitress and offered a drink just as Perrotta met me with a bear hug. “We’re going to have over a hundred people for the show!” he said, thrilled. “Give me a large scotch,” I said.

I would be third out of the gate. Perrotta mercifully told the crowd I was making my comedy debut. I sat by the stage and watched the real comedians perform effortless routines.

As I took the stage to warm applause, my blood pressure soared and my sweat glands went into overdrive. The crowd responded to my first joke with a hearty laugh, which gave me a rush of confidence. But when I delved into my next hilarious tale, they’d heard it before and immediately shouted out the punch line. I knew from watching stand-up how quickly an audience can turn on you. I also remembered how, no matter what, the pros stayed animated. They never laid back.

I walked into the crowd, giving the final joke my all. When I reached the punch line (“At least tonight I have control of the remote!”), I was relieved to get a good response. 

Perrotta generously claimed I “had killed.” “You should do our show at the Ramada Inn in Seekonk,” he invited. “We get about 300 people.” I politely declined. Stand-up comedy is like skydiving: It may be a great thrill to fall through the sky, but now that I’ve survived, I’ll never tempt fate again.—James Hammond