Invitations

The art of the thank you note

There simply is no substitute for a hand-written personal thank you note, even if you thanked someone in person at your wedding. E-mailed messages are not an option. For many, the hard part is what to say. Here’s what the etiquette experts say.

Do mention the gift and how you’ll use it. “Thank you so much for the crystal candle sticks—we’ll have many romantic dinners with them.”

Do not mention the amount if someone gave you money, but do mention what you’ll use it for. “Thanks for your generous check. We’ve been wanting to buy a kayak…”

Do be gracious, even if the gift is tacky. “Thank you for the flamingo lawn ornament, it was very thoughtful of you.”

Do include a photo of you on your honeymoon if someone gave you a gift toward your trip or an excursion.

Do send a note to each person who chipped in on a group gift.

Do end it on a personal note. “We’re so glad you could join us on our special day.”

Do refer to any special effort a guest made, such as traveling a long distance or giving a special toast.

The best advice on when to write them is ‘as soon as you can.’ To keep up with the task, Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette suggests writing them as soon as the presents arrive, rather than waiting until after the honeymoon. If you wait until after the wedding, etiquette expert Peggy Post gives you up to three months. But don’t decide it’s too late and give up—it’s never too late! Not only are thank you notes polite, but they let guests know you actually received their gift.

One last thought: the days of note-writing being the bride’s sole responsibility are long gone. Grooms should definitely be sharing the task!